Hambacher Forst, 1st january 2017
This new years night while everybody was celebrating, we had a special party of our own, visiting the hambach opencast mine and putting on a nice fireworks display for RWE and breaking some glass for a lucky new fear.
After wandering along the railway tracks which transport brown coal from the mine to nearby power stations, we came across two signal boxes and a bundle of cables and thought these were perfectly suitable targets for our mischevious intentions.
We opened the boxes with a wide chisel and placed inside 10cm lengths of inner tube stuffed with gasoline soaked cloths then smeared the inside of the boxes with burning gel to make sure it all burnt properly.
We thought the party was over, but then on the way back we noticed some welcoming lights from an office trailer in a fenced compound. Next to the trailer were two parked diggers in dire need of maintenance, we checked the trailer was empty by smashing its windows, then cut the fence and set about immediately improving the air conditioning of the diggers, smashing their windows, cutting all of the hydraulics and adding some extra holes to the coolers. We also poured some dirt and broken glass in the gas tanks and used a bolt cutter to cut the valves of the trailers tires.
200m further, we found a front-end loader and gave it the same treatment aswell as emptying the fire extinguisher found inside the cab into its gas tank.
According to the media reports all of this caused a damage of “tens of thousands” of euros, making it our most expensive new years party so far.
We wish to send our thanks to all the people who provided us with perfect soundcover by wasting huge amounts of explosives, terrifying the local wildlife in a stupid capitalist ritual.
– Criminal Mechanics Party